I have found, of late, that immediately upon climax I can not control the urge to burst in to tears. Word on the street is that this is not such an uncommon occurrence, but I still be a wonderin'.
Another thing that makes me cry is that due to the cuntish behavior of an ex-boyfriend, I missed the Antony and the Johnsons concert at the Barbican in London. On the upside, I can still hold on to the excitement and anticipation of when I will finally see them live.
I books, I Phones, E Bay, I Tunes, I Store, E Sure, My Space, Blogging, Phishing, Spoofing, Spamming, I Pods, E Mail...you get the picture.
I was contemplating last night, the way in which technology has affected my life. I can listen to what I want, communicate with whomever I want, buy whatever I need and play out the narrative in my own blog daily all with the touch of a few buttons.
Take MySpace, I can have my favourite music, photographs, friends, movies, books, food and cultural leanings all nicely packaged up and given their own web address. It's a blank canvass for me to show the world who I am. I can choose a background, a soundtrack and even organise my beloveds in to their rightful "Top 8" order. How fabulous!
Now, I like to think that I am pretty unapolagetic about who I am. I may not always be happiness and light, but I am confident and comfortable in my own skin. However, do even the most confident and self assured fall prey to self censorship and creative licence? Do we create our own electronic personalities, which become so ingrained in us that it's hard to tell where our virtual reality starts and ends? Hmmm, I am unsure if I am in a position to answer my own question, after all, my technological renaissance came circa. 1985 with a Beta video player and an Alaskan pen pal.
Pondering these big issues has suitably distracted me from my current predicaments. Weary.
I was going to fill this post with 29 things that i've learnt in my 29 years. Alas, I can nay be bothered. So, 13 things before I'm 30 it will be:
1. I am in a relationship with a wonderful man. We are having some time out at the moment. I've learnt that being in relationship with a bastard or a prince can be equally as hard in different ways.
2. I still feel like my youth will last forever, despite numerous external indicators to the contrary.
3. Day time functions are best when family are involved. (i.e. Weddings, Christmas, birthdays etc) It is much easier to keep alchy parents sober this way. Well, "sober" might be a stretch, but you can make an escape before the evening show. My manic depressive Mother once bought home a random bloke and meowed like a cat, whilst on all fours, on the driveway in our middle class suburb. These sorts of memories require a lot of years to pass and plenty of therapy before you can see the funny side.
4. Helping others is the best feeling in the world. Even when you get pissed off with it all. I worked with a homeless organisation in London for five years and after each and every event we would hold over Christmas, I would get as sick as a dog. It remains one of the best things I've ever done.
5. Traveling can change who you are. But no matter how far you run, your state of mind always comes along for the ride.
6. I can easily rationalize all of the things that I need to do to have a balanced life. Friends, partner, work satisfaction etc. It is extremely hard to do.
7. I've been a bad friend sometimes. I get distracted and can drop off the planet.
8. You can't have everything. I struggle with making good choices in my personal life, but have been successful professionally.
9. I am a diehard, hardcore, fall down romantic. I like this about myself. It is my best and my worst trait.
10. I still really like pureed apple. And lettuce. I love lettuce.
11. I can sometimes get so swept in what I want to be that I forget about who I am. And I'm like, alright, innit.
12. Drugs were fun. Back in the day.
13.A woman needs a room of her own. Word up Virginia Woolf.
I could be a number one bestseller in America, non? I would title my book: "My ex-boyfriend stole my washing machine and other random factoids from a life reasonably lived". The anticipation of my assured success is almost more than I can bear.
30 year old female, world wide navigator. Despite being informed that modern day Persia may not be in accord with the image I have of my Rubaiyat fantasies; I remain hopeful. Its just life man. Powerless to stop it.