Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Wow Wow

Back's been a while between posts Wish that I could say the same about cigarettes.

Um, life has ambled on over the last few months. I have just gotten back from UK/USA and am having the same adjustment issues as last year. Dear lord, the tedium predictability of my reactions is boring even me.

In any event, my latest news is that I am desperate to move to America. I've decided. That is my next place of residence.

Just got to make it happen. But I will. Oh yes, I will.

Sunday, October 11, 2009


Its been a good long while since writing here. I can't remember why I stopped writing.

Still, I've been following along with the lives of other bloggers from afar and thought it might be nice to get blogging again.

Better ease myself in to it though, me thinks. Not good to get too overstimulated at this age.

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Crisis Over

My existential, nervous breakdown teetering crisis has resolved itself.  At least for the moment - good news all 'round, non?  

God, jet lag and hormones can do some crazy shiz to your mind and body.  I'm now off to the airport for the briefest of sojourns in Melbourne town.   A friend from London is here and I'm heading down to see her.

More news soon.  

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Post holiday blues

After an amazing three weeks, I arrived back in Australia around ten days ago.

I would sell something (anything) of significance to be back on holiday.  My 3 continent journey has left my with a jet lagged induced depression that is taking its time lifting.

I really don't know if I am happy being here anymore.  I love my partner and had a wonderful time with him, but am really beginning to tire of the never ending drama with his ex wife.  I didn't imagine that my life would turn out like this.  I was always the girl that didn't sleep around, tried to do the right thing and believed in the one man, one woman (or man, man - woman, woman) thing for life, even though my whole life has been glaring proof that there is no such thing as the conventional fairytale. 

The other day I was sitting on my back patio, knees up close to me with a coffee and cigarette completely lost in feelings of sadness and fear and it hit me.  All the memories of seeing my mother sitting in that exact position, with the same forlorn look of loss and sadness, smoking a cigarette came flooding over me.  My mother, whom I love but have an incredibly strained relationship with, is an alcoholic bi-polar sufferer and has put men before everything in her life, her whole life.  Luckily for her, she had a fall back position.  She was the baby of her family and her parents picked her up and dusted her off until the day they died.  

So yes, I feel like I'm turning in to my mother, without the fall back position.  I'm tired of feeling alone all the time.  Even when I'm with someone, I always feel so alone.

Rant over.  Tomorrow will bring a sunnier disposition.  Here's hoping. 

Monday, January 26, 2009

Happy New Year

An amazing few days in Malaysia.

Now in London.  Cold .  Wet.  Familiar.  Comforting.  

Will post photos and stories soon.

Over and out. 

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Days like these

Does everybody have days where they think that they are going crazy?  Not just run of the mill crazy, but completely bat shit nuts?  

But then you have a sleep, and you feel better again.  

I've had a shitty couple of days emotionally.

On the upside - I think that mania can be ruled out as you generally get the crazy highs as well as the crazy lows.  I just get the lows and back to median range.

Over and out.

For Fingers

Open iTunes/iPod or Windows Media Player to answer the following. Go to your library. Answer, no matter how embarrassing it is.

How many songs: 614 (My hard-drive died 3 months ago and I lost a lot of music BOO HOO)

Sort by song title:
First Song: Abram - Jose Gonzalez
Last Song: 1234 - Feist

Sort by time:
Shortest Song: This Box Contains - Ani DiFranco
Longest Song: Remorse - Sarah Blasko

Sort by album:
First Song: Achtung Baby - U2 - One
Last Song: 5.55 - Charlotte Gainsbourg - Tel que tu es

Sort by artist:
First song: At your best - Aaliyah
Last song: London Still - The Waifs

Top [10] Most Played Songs:
1. Deeper than Love - Antony and the Johnsons
2. Gamble everything for love - Ben Lee
3. Man of constant sorrow - Bob Dylan
4. Blindsided - Bon Iver
5. Limit to your love - Feist
6. Somebody's crying - Chris Isaak
7. Chocolate and Cigarettes - Angus and Julia Stone
8. Trouble - Ray Lamontagne
9. Lover you should have come over - Jeff Buckley
10. The Ship Song - Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds.